It’s hot and I’m alive

Like real hot.  The kind of hot that makes me want to go Mgyver on some bookshelves and rubber bands to make a ceiling fan.  The only good thing that comes from this swelter is the uncanny flutter of creativity that comes with it.  I feel like I could sweat (literally) over a project for hours on end and not be burdened by the thought of sleep.  That too comes with a downside, being that late to bed late to rise and I’d rather not feel worthless by sleeping in.  In a perfect world I would wake up early and beat the heat with a jog around the lake.  Condition has added twenty new minutes to his latest mix and I’d like to give it a test run (literally).  

Work has been out of sorts lately.  I feel like I’ve been working more during this recession than I would if the economy was normal, which you will never hear me complaining about.  Not only is it great for me financially (I finally got a new computer) but it has done wonders for my mental health.  Work always does that to me, and the recent jobs have really given me purpose since they have been 1st instead of 2nd.  Doesn’t hurt that I got to work with the unbelievable Will Ferrell.  I don’t get starstruck but I couldn’t help but smile the entire time.

I’m going home to St. Louis in a few weeks and it seems like each time I get the chance to do so I am increasingly anxious to do so.  Maybe it’s just part of growing up, but the thought of seeing my family and friends that I don’t get to see but a few times a year if that means more and more each time.  The older I get, the more I am able to cherish things.  And speaking of old, I’m about a month away from quarter century.  A lot of people seem to make a big deal out of this one.  I guess it kind of is.  I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot and had my share of experiences thus far, but I’ll always be striving for more.

I’ve thought about closing this blog and switching solely to my tumblr, but after this, maybe I still see the merit of stretching the more personal pen in this forum, even if it is far and few between.

Long time coming (like 2 weeks)

Another shoot another month of being able to keep my head above water.  Another shoot another family bonding experience.  Another shoot another realization of why I got into this business.  Another shoot another set of great memories and jokes only funny to those who experienced them.

Features are always weird to me.  You’re with a group of people for an extended amount of time and that’s it.  Those people.  Most starting out strangers.  You could say that you have no choice but to get to know them better but that sounds negative.  That’s actually a great part of the job.  You keep your distance at first until the newness wears off and you are given a perfect chance, usually comedic, to break the strange and from then on it’s as if you can say anything like you’ve known them forever.  A little film family.  Then it’s over.  Everyone hugs and laughs about all the occurrences on set and the little time off set, says their goodbyes, and heads off to meet their next family.  The surprising thing about this industry is that no matter how big it gets, chances are you will keep running into the same people.  If you’re good enough and they’re good enough, you’ll be on the same playing field for a while.

An outsider might hear how much we gripe on set and wonder why we put ourselves through such turmoil but it couldn’t get any better.  This show will go down in history for the drama associated along with it, but so many positive experiences will greatly out weigh the dark.  Definitely one of my favorite crews of all time.

And now it’s back to “real” life.  Sitting here at my desk in my room that looks like a trash bomb exploded in, wondering what to do next, still in the unwind mode.

Military Life

I have been on an active Navy Air base for a few days now and will be until for the next two weeks.  Having never been on a base before, I wasn’t really sure what to expect.  The picture in my head automatically went to the episode of Futurama where Fry travels back in time to a military base his grandpa was on.  We’re staying in I guess what it called the visitor quarters and is much more luxurious than a military cot.  I have a recliner, full fridge, and walk in closet about half the size of my apartment bedroom.

So far we’ve only shot one day but have eleven more scheduled with one day off.  Hopefully we will have time to tour the base or do something else that we wouldn’t get to on any other shoot.  It’s pretty interesting being so close to fighter jets and helicopters taking off.  We’re also getting fed three good square meals a day which is taking some getting use to.  It’s the same crew that I’ve worked the last two shows with which makes things less like work.  Bringing the xbox also helps.  Still it’s weird being away from my home for an extended period of time.  Traveling is fun and all, it’s just the little things that are missed.

Regardless, just working feels great.  There’s a certain level of drive that kicks in naturally when you jump on the camera truck, no matter how early in the morning.

Middleground

Two whole jobs in an entire month.  That takes more than just an economic toll.  It starts affecting both the mind and body.  Fortunately it’s easy enough to stave off the body part with some every other day jogging.  The mind, as always, is the tricky part.  This recession has helped by giving me more time to focus on lighting and post work on my photos.  While I could get by like that forever, it can realistically only sustain my for so long.  I’ve been doing a decent job of hiding out, but streaming netflix for six hours a day is becoming a little stale.

I’ve been really looking forward to getting my bike fixed with hopes that it will not only take me places, but take a lot of time off my hands as well.  I can always throw my camera bag over my shoulder and away I go off to uncharted photo adventures.

So in a nutshell, while very bored, I think things are ok for now.

Motivation Revisited

After taking a few deep breaths, the Photographer’s Market book has been reopened with a little more confidence.  Unfortunately, how I feel about my photos doesn’t affect whether or not these publications will take them.  I might be able to say with infinite certainty that I will never be able to sell images to Ft. Myers Magazine or the Journal of Adventist Education.  Regardless, after meticulously reading every detail of the consumer publication, newspapers and newsletters, and trade publications sections, I have found a handful to submit to.  My favorite of these:  one famously amazing Dog Fancy.

Maybe I’ve fallen into a certain style.  Maybe I just haven’t had enough experience to photograph certain situations.  I just wish there was a publication out there called “Really Neat Portraits Monthly”.  Or “Nobody You’ve Heard of Fashion just for Photography Reasons Magazine”.

It’s still a lot harder than it should be.  Lots of people want slides or tearsheets that I just don’t have.  This book is very valuable in the sense of teaching me what is needed in professionally approaching hopeful buyers.  It’s not as frustrating when you realize that the book can’t tell you how to get to that level, only what to do when you are there.  Getting to that level is what takes so much time that can’t be avoided.  It’s the line that sucks.

Motivation turns to depression

Why can’t it be easier?  Easier isn’t even the most appropriate word, just the most commonplace.  I’ve gotten over the whole overwhelming part of trying to get my photos out there and make some dollars.  I’ve read the first thirty pages of my photographer’s market book.  Unfortunately, within those pages is the flat out fact that there is no way for me to be successful anytime soon.  It’s the ol’ catch 22 situation.  If I am even able to sell my work, I’ll have to pay taxes on my earnings.  Normal, yes.  But, this will also include business taxes for a business I do not even own.  Meaning I will have to start my own business and keep it separate from my personal taxes.  Fine.  Here’s the problem though.  I don’t have any money for that.  It’s a spend money to make money kind of thing with the downside being I can’t spend any money therefore I cannot make any money.  If I was somewhat finacially stable right now we would have a different story.

Which brings me back to my initial question.  Why can’t it be easier?  Why can’t I submit samples to an agency/publication/whatever, have them interested in those images or commission new ones, pay me, and that be that.  I understand that taxes need to be paid, but it makes starting out near impossible.  This frustration from the business side of it is like water putting out the fire of the creative side.  It of course can’t be handed to you, but it doesn’t have to be slapped down before it has a chance.

At this point I would be ecstatic to just have my work featured in a gallery, in hopes that might lead to some exposure.  This is immediately shot down by the fact that I cannot afford to have large prints of my work made.  My go to thought is to find a small, local publication to freelance for, even if only online and even that feels beyond my reach.  No one has any money for anything right now.  People actually working at creative jobs are on the verge of losing them, meaning it is very doubtful for new hirings.

I just feel like my work is at the point of payment and I just can’t seem to make it all happen.

Hi WordPress. My name is Dave.

Nice to meet you.  What’s that?  Oh, we’ve met before.  Well how embarrassing.  I guess it’s been so long since we last conversed.  Boy is my memory going these days.  I suppose if nothing else I can electronically document my goings ons.

Work has been slow.  More like nonexistent.  It’s amazing that when everyone else has no money, that includes money that they would give to you for your services.  Film shoots come and go but the smaller work like headshots and websites that I usually supplement the down times with have come to a halt do to people’s finances.  This in turn is very bad for mine.  It’s also not just an economic downfall.  It affects mental health outside the realm of no money no happiness.  The all too popular question “what am I going to do today?” rises from one’s head and invokes feelings of discomfort much like that of a young student being called on in class.  The reason being that when you don’t have a job, thus no money, there really isn’t much of an answer.

Sure there is at first.  I bet you could think of a ton of things to do  when you have unlimited time.  I could draw a picture.  Nah.  I could clean my room.  Maybe a smaller task.  How about a nice run?  Gee that seems like a lot of work what with the whole running part then getting clean afterwards.  All of these are my standard go to items when boredom sets in and while I do indulge in them from time to time, there is one that trumps all.  Photos.  Not only does it wring out some of the creative juices, it can potentially take up a boat load of time, what with the actual shooting and post work.  Still there is that overwhelming feeling of creating a nice image and not being compensated, be it monetary or pure exposure.

This is where the side of me comes in that needs work.  My brother gave me a huge book for Christmas that lists just about every place/agency/group that buys photographs and all the info pertaining to what they want and how to get it to them.  I need to sit down and work my way through it bit by bit.  Sounds easy but not very creative.  I need a secretary.

Tomorrow will be a productive day.  At least before noon.  Then I’ll be all done with the piddly crap I dub important and will sit around the rest of the day watching Netflix and griping about how there’s nothing to do.

Late night grocery shopping

Since I pretty much despise going to the grocery store during everyone else’s hours, the night time is the right time for me.  This gives me the perfect opportunity to outfit my ipod with some Ryan Adams and slip into lonely mode, one of my secret pleasures.  Now no one likes to be sad, but you never realize at the time of true sadness that it will all pass.  Being able to put yourself in a mood with full knowledge of your control is different.  You can’t slip too far or the decent out of the darkness will be harder.  There’s more of a science behind it that comes with practice.

During the day, the grocery store is full of life.  Fast paced and hectic moms flood the aisles trying to maneuver their carts around like a grand prix.  Certain aisles turn into temporary libraries with confused individuals reading labels and ingredients as if they have never actually taken the time to compare the different mustards.  Turning down one of those aisles is the equivalent of storming the beaches of Normandy.  If there is more than one person in your aisle, skip it, move on.

But at night, a shroud of depression blankets the fluorescent food warehouse.  Everyone moves slowly through the vacant produce section.  Hamburger helper has staring contests with bachelors and the liquor aisle is the most popular with hipsters trying to figure out the difference between a shiraz and a shyrah.  Each customer has a unique story that begs to be mulled over in your head.  He use to do this with his girlfriend and now he’s lost and starving since they broke up and he doesn’t know what he likes to eat.  He is in here every night because he can’t plan out his meals more than one day in advance.  She…well, she is very proud and would rather not have anyone see her buying store name brands.  This is Los Angeles after all.

So here I stroll the aisles paying more attention to these small details than what I actually came in to buy, which at this time is always cookies.  Just being enveloped in the temporary longing for hope and food compiled by the people wandering around me is enough to fill my appetite.

Eight days in and already an earthquake

Guess I better get scuba certified seeing as this state will be in the ocean soon.  While most people fear them, I welcome earthquakes.  Harmless earthquakes that cause no damage and offer only the most joyous ride mind you…which don’t happen very often.  This one simply shook my desk to and fro and left me searching for the noise of a truck or the whir of a helicopter overhead, common explanations for this sort of activity.  Instead it was the work of a supposed 5.0 quake.  This is technically my second experience, the first being in my car months ago.

Work has made an attempt to pick up with a few different calls yesterday (when it rains it pours).  I managed to come out with a nice little one day shoot one day prep job and gave a different two day job to a friend.  Fingers can’t cross tight enough for this kind of employment activity to keep up.

The Curious Case of Life

I find myself putting this off more and more lately.  When I do finally seem to get around my digital word dump, it tends to be that of a quick assessment of personal items disguised as frustrated emo jargon.  I need to schedule reminders that the goal of this is enjoyment and polishing an age old craft, be it an updated version from the quill and parchment.  This new year is already testing me, which is proving my theory that it will indeed be an interesting one.  The past six days have already felt like weeks and will only turn into extended periods of exaggeration until I start working somewhat regularly.  I think in that sense this industry ages people prematurely.  Whenever my father was in between construction jobs, he would drive my mother crazy by rearranging his office or truck for the umpteenth time that year.  He couldn’t stand to stand still.  This explains my ever growing need for change in times of staleness.  It’s a good thing I chose the profession I am in.  Creating a different visual experience every time should provide me with plenty of opportunities to thwart off boredom.  Now if I could just find a way to keep the bills at bay I would be set.

Watching the Curious Case of Benjamin Button brought out an already existing realization that time is going to keep moving in the same direction no matter if you want it to or not.  You can choose whichever path you want but eventually they all end.  This just always makes me question whether half the decisions in a lifetime matter or if each one just puts you on a temporary detour to the same outcome.  Obviously this doesn’t apply to the more life changing decisions but it seems that the petty stuff could be interchangeable.  That could be the reasoning behind the phrase “don’t sweat the small stuff” but it begs to wonder who we are to decide what is indeed small.  All this sends my head spinning.  It’s just another attempt at trying to mean something to others.  Another way to connect.  Another way to inspire.